Okay. So I haven't been keeping up with my blog at all. Sorry about that - if there's anyone actually reading it, that is. Haha.
Thing is, I've been facing some pretty tough spiritual and emotional trials, and I haven't really felt much like blogging. I did write a little bit in my personal journal. I'm just trying to work through some things right now - hurts and stuff from the past that apparently I haven't processed and completely healed from yet.
Anyway, I have been praying. There were a few days there when I didn't pray much at all. Too deep in my hurts, I guess. Too deep in myself.
God has been teaching me through all this. One day, there were several things I came to understand a little better. The first was letting go of pride. There's a song that says "Letting go of my pride, I lay down my desires, just to worship in spirit in truth." That's a pretty profound line to meditate on for a while.
Then there was this: Don't pray just to pray. I don't think "small talk" with God is a good way to pray. Like when you decide you want to pray, and then after you make that decision, you start thinking about what you could pray about. Because that's doing it backwards. I think we should pray about things that are truly on our hearts. Things that we care deeply about. Things we won't forget about an hour later. Because when we take things before the almighty creator of the world, I just don't think we should be thoughtless or careless about it. I think we should be very deep about it. If that makes sense.
And then this: Don't stress - just do what you need to at the moment and then get to the next thing when you can. I've been having a hard time staying calm and self-controlled whenever two or more things seem to demand my attention at the same time. For example, I'm cooking a meal and Rachel wakes up and starts to cry. But really all I can do is decide which is more urgent at the moment and do that thing first, then get to the other thing as soon as possible. There's no need to worry about it. It isn't going to hurt Rachel if she has to wait for me for a few minutes so that I can prepare dinner for myself and Kaira. It's that simple, really.
So those are some of the things I learned. I've also been learning a lot about how to work through pain - the right way, not by stuffing it and letting it tear you apart later and lead you into depression.
Yeah. So that's it for now. More later.